What do we leave behind when we die….

Today, I was heartbroken and in tears because someone who had always been there to make me look beautiful had passed away. Ramani Aunty was a relation of ours, but most of all, she was the person who stitched all my custom Sari Jackets and dresses for my entire family, including my Mom, Sister and even my kids. She did the Kids’ Baptism outfit to the first birthday outfit, not to forget our sister’s Wedding Dress and many more clothes to attend memorable occasions. She was so fast and quick in her work, not to mention she was really good at creating beautiful designs that so many people were coming to get work done out of her. During wedding season, she is so packed that she refuses many extra work that comes her way.

She would never make me feel small even though I grew bigger and gained weight, but she did her best for me to look good and beautiful. I would, at times, give her very short notice, and she would never refuse my request but managed it all with a smile.

Today is her Funeral after her battle with Cancer, which was only diagnosed in the last stages, so recovery seemed complicated and painful even with chemotherapy. I wept for her today and still can’t believe she is not around. There were times when we visited her during Christmas, and she always served us great treats, which the kids enjoyed even with all that work. What I respect about her is that she would never lose her cool in any situation; even if there are so many people around her, she will be calm. She lost her husband a few years back, but even with that loss, she didn’t give up on her life; she kept on going, and she did the work with passion as before.

I can’t put my finger on it, for I cannot come up with why I am so sad about her loss. I think maybe it’s the way she reminds me of my Mother, who passed when I was in my teens. Ramani Aunty had a very classy and unique way of dressing, always making her look elegant. My Mother was also obsessed with dressing up elegantly and spent a lot of money on her attire. She did the same for me and my family as well. She wanted everybody to dress nicely.

Yet the thing I remember the most about her is her calm sense of talk, which made me feel at ease. She made me happy, and she made me feel so special. I wanted to help her in many ways, but I could not, for which I feel guilty now. I should have put in more effort.

Still, now I understand better that people will never forget how you made them feel when they die. That will be the memory that will make them remember you forever in their hearts. People will remember the smiles you shared with them and the moments they connected with you in love. That is going to be what we leave ultimately. Everything else will perish, including money, power & status, but the love we have shared will forever be the light we leave behind.

Today, as my heart aches and my tears fall, and I can’t help but lose my serenity, I want to make a promise to myself that when I leave this world for good, I will ensure that there are enough memories of me that people will cry about initially, yet eventually they will smile as I would have made them feel love.